Golden Globes Fashion In Review

It's the Golden Globes so obviously the most important thing is not who won (with nominations that stupid do the winners even matter?) but what everyone looked like so that's what we'll talk about. 

There were definitely a few big trends that every stylist in Hollywood was peddling to their clients with varying degrees of success. 

Green With Envy

Mila Kunis, whose wardrobe had been fairly monochromatically thematic since the release of Black Swan...

Catherine Zeta Jones with a touch of Old Hollywood Glamour about her...

Elizabeth Moss in her "I'm newly single" ensemble...

Angelina Jolie with an all-too-familiar style that benefits greatly from the unexpectedly delicious color...

The ladies in green were winners across the board.

The Carpet Matches The Dress

Christina Hendricks may have been trying to draw attention away from her breasts to give them a break from getting all the attention.  That's really the only way to explain the worlds largest shoulder ruffle.  I've tried very hard and I can think of no explanation for what is happening with her hair. 

January Jones has an enviable body but, it's been suggested, that she may have no personality whatsoever to go alone with it.  So I guess this atrocious concoction is her way of accentuating the positive?

Sophia Vergara came as a Latin Jessica Rabbit and pulled it off.  She wins in the red category by a landslide.

Live Nudes

Leighton Meester might have come right from the set of a new movie where she's playing a Mormon fundamentalist.  That's the only explanation I can offer for this overly modest, boring dress. 

Michelle Williams continues to look so gorgeous with a pixie haircut that I have to FORCE myself not to run out and get one just like it.  Sadly, I don't have to force myself not to buy her dress because it's much too twee for my taste. 

Dianna Agron looked stunning in an incredibly simple dress with spare but very sparkly accessories and hair and makeup appropriately gorgeous for the occasion. 

Sandra Bullock's dress was droopy which you probably didn't notice because how could you see anything past her thousand pound bangs?  Even if those are for a role, they are not ok.

Kaley Cuoco's tiered organza number was complimented perfectly by sparse jewelry and simple and pretty hair and makeup.

Anne Hathaway's dress fit her like a glove and in the shots from the side where you could see that it was backless, her figure looked absolutely amazing, but between the enormous shoulders and the extreme shininess, it came off looking kind of cheap which is not what you want from your couture.

I couldn't find a single picture of Emma Stone looking good in her dress but on the telecast, it came off much more attractive than in the photos.  Unfortunately the photos are what last so I'd advise her against such a washed-out color in an over-simple style while she's a blonde.  It's just too much of not enough all at once.

Sarah Hyland may have worn my favorite dress in the nude/beige family.  The slightly darker shade along with the bronze detail on the bodice and her gorgeous jewels were terif.  Too bad she was one of the many women sabotaged by the Too Much Bang Fairy. 

I'm not so sure Julie Bowen's dress belongs in this color category because it's kind of on the grey side but it's got a bit of a beige thing happening too so I'm lumping it in.  Either way, she comes out ahead because while her Aunt Gwenness never goes away for me, this is the best I ever remember seeing her look.  She's wearing the hell out of that dress and her hair and makeup are the perfect compliment.

Scarlett Johansson made her first major public appearance since the dissolution of her marriage to People Magazine's Sexiest Man Alive at this event.  An she did it in a drippy, drapey boring number with hair straight out of The Bride Of Frankenstein.  Divorce isn't a competition but...she lost.

Looking Good Is The Best Revenge

I hope Eva Longoria pulled ScarJo aside at some point and gave her tips on how to work it after announcing your divorce.  THIS is what I'm talkin' about!

This Old Thing? I Just Threw It Together

Jennifer Love Hewitt starches her sheets. 

Julianne Moore does not iron her fuscia, satin sheets...not even before stringing them through a necklace and wearing them out in public.

Heidi Klum wore her beach cover-up and every bracelet she owns. 

Pretty In Pink?

Not for Juliana Margulies who I assume didn't intend to look slumped, sagged, stumpy and old. 

Lea Michelle looked pretty because Lea Michelle always looks pretty but I feel like I saw Cameron Diaz wear this exact dress a few years back and I think Cammy's height helped her pull it off a little better than teeny, tiny Lea. 

Claire Danes was a vision in her simple pink sheath that could not have fit her more perfectly.  And again, she matched her hair and makeup to the dress and the occasion perfectly.  This look was made of win.

I kept thinking I should hate something about Natalie Portman's dress with it's enormous red rose on the bust but then she just kept looking so comfortable and beautiful that I couldn't stop loving it.  Pregnancy and happiness agree with this one. 

The Other Best And Worst Bits

I think every girl would like to dress princessy from time to time but just because we want to, doesn't mean we should.  I'm looking at you, Olivia Wilde. 

Jayma Mayes needs to rethink everything that's happening above her shoulders.  And then she needs to give serious thought to whether Morticia Adams was really the look she wanted to go for from the shoulders down.  She needed another week to get ready for this.  At least.

I know some people didn't like the various large poufs on this dress, but I think Amy Adams can pull them off and she looks so good in the jewel tones that I really like it. 

I give mad props to Kyra Sedgwick for wearing a color no one else came close to.  The front view of the dress on TV was really wonderful but this angle doesn't do it quite as much justice.  I just keep wanting to ask if she'd like a sandwich.  My hangup?  Maybe.

I think Halle Berry forgot to put her dress on entirely and just came in her underclothes.  Awkward!

At first I thought I hated Jennifer Lopez's dress, but after a few minutes I changed my mind and decided that I actually kind of love it.  The overlay is just enough to take it from REALLY simple to simply pretty. 

Christina Aguilara got confused and started dressing for the body she wants rather than the body she has.  Embrace your curves, honey, but don't squeeze them, cinch them, stuff them and torture them. 

And one more woman who wore a pop of color that no one else did, Mandy Moore looked amazing in a bright blue gown that I stop just short of loving because I will never love a mermaid dress but if I only look at her from the knees up? Love.

The Hollywood Foriegn Putz Association

Since I was sick yesterday and could muster only the one quick post, I didn't get a chance to really chime in with my thoughts on the Golden Globe nominations - such as they were. 

Today I just want to talk about the Television categories and really pick them apart.  Ready?  Let's bitch!


Best TV Series — Drama
Boardwalk Empire - I haven't seen this show because I don't have HBO but I've seen clips and I feel like, for the most part, the acting is merely fine.  It's good.  It's completely serviceable and enjoyable even but, when held up against everything else there is, it falls comfortably in the middle - maybe the upper middle - in terms of quality.  If your acting isn't outstanding, then how can your show be the best?  That said, I won't flat out deny them this nomination because I can't judge a show by its clips.

Dexter - I don't have Showtime either and I've never seen a single minute of this show so I'll take the word of critics and friends and give them this one.


The Good Wife - The one nomination in this category I stand behind completely.  It has what I believe any contender for the title of "best" must - excellence in writing, directing, acting, and production. 


Mad Men - Look, I've just accepted that everyone else feels differently about this show than I do but I'd kind of like someone to explain to me the ways in which this show is not bone-crushingly boring.  Yes, it is beautiful to look at.  I suppose that most of the actors are doing an above average job (I swear to God, the praise for January Jones makes me feel homicidal though - the woman is SO WOODEN!), but on the whole, I really don't understand why this show gets so much love. 


The Walking Dead - You have GOT to be kidding me!  For starters, the season was SIX EPISODES LONG!  How can you call it a best show when you've only seen six episodes of it?  The writing is all the fuck over the place, the pacing is glacial which is pretty ridiculous for a show about a zombie apocalypse, and the acting ranges from "serviceable" to "Sarah Wayne Callies does her best work as a severed head." 


What would I have nominated?  Friday Night Lights which is the perfect blend of great story, brilliantly simple characterization, pacing, acting, writing and directing that come together to create a perfect show.  Terriers for doing more with less than any other show this season and delivering 13 episodes that got every single thing right.  The Vampire Diaries (don't look at me like that) because whether you believe it or not, this is another show that is firing on all cylinders - writing, acting, directing, pacing, and story.  The Good Wife due to the aforementioned excellence.  And I can concede the fifth spot to something I don't watch that everyone insists is brilliant - your Dexters, Sons of Anarchys, Breaking Bads - so long as it isn't Mad Men. 

Best TV Series — Musical or Comedy
30 Rock - I don't watch it because my Thursday TV calendar is so jam-packed as it is that I'd need a 4th DVR to incorporate this into my schedule and, even for me, that's excessive.  But Tina Fey is smart and funny and I have no trouble believing that hilarious sun shines right out of Alec Baldwin's ass so I'll allow it.


The Big Bang Theory - I do watch it, and I love it, and I think it's very funny.  It's nice to see a multi-camera sitcom get a nomination and not have it involve Charlie Sheen.  I don't think it should win, but the nomination is fine.


The Big C - Again, don't have the pay-cable channel that airs this so I can't speak to whether or not it's deserved though I've heard some questionable things about the evenness of quality and I really do find it hard to accept that it's a genuinely funny show about cancer but whatev.


Glee - No.  Look, I have loved Glee and liked Glee and sort of wanted to kill Glee in it's sleep so I'm kind of all over the place with this show but I've been in the same place for a while which is to say that since the Golden Globe nominations were announced last year, the quality of the writing on Glee has been in a bit of a free-fall so no matter what period of time these nominations are based on it is absolutely NOT the best show in any category. 


Modern Family - Yes, I absolutely and whole-heartedly concur with this nomination.  Modern Family is sweet and funny with an outstanding cast from top to bottom. 


Nurse Jackie - I have seen exactly one and a half episodes of this show.  I didn't laugh once, hell, I didn't even know it was supposed to be a comedy.  I admit I have a completely irrational aversion to Edie Falco (something about her eyes and the tone of her voice makes me feel like she's always crabbing at me...I find her off-putting for absolutely no good reason) but that aside, I still don't think this show is remotely funny and that means I think it's a supremely shitty pick for best comedy.

What would I have nominated?  I'm not sure how they categorize themselves, but I'd call Chuck a comedy and I'd nominate it here.  Funny, original, sweet and silly in the very best way.  Cougar Town is the funniest show with the worst name.  Modern Family, The Big Bang Theory, and either 30 Rock or Community. 

Best Actor — Drama
Steve Buscemi, Boardwalk Empire


Bryan Cranston, Breaking Bad


Michael C. Hall, Dexter


Jon Hamm, Mad Men


Hugh Laurie, House M.D.

I won't pick apart the list since it's mostly people from shows I don't watch, though I will say that while I love a Hugh Laurie acceptance speech as much as the next gal, I don't think we need to keep nominating him every year for a show that stopped being good a while ago and whether he's good as House or not, there are other people whose turn it is to be recognized. 

Who would I have nominated?  Kyle Chandler for Friday Night Lights.  He is what we mean when we say that a person embodies their character.  Every word, every look, every exasperated breath is pure Coach Taylor to the extent that I think people don't truly appreciate that it isn't just a guy out there being himself.  There is acting being done out there every week and it's amazing.  Ian Somerhalder for The Vampire Diaries.  In the hands - or eyes - of a lesser actor, there would be nothing redeemable about Damon and, in fact, he would probably seem like nothing so much as a mustache-twirling cartoon villain.  Ian gives him nuance and depth and the eye thing.  Michael Raymond James for Terriers.  The journey that Britt took in those 13 episodes were something to behold and in the last 3 or 4 episodes in particular, he was absolutely breathtaking for every second he was on screen. 


Best Actress — Drama
Elizabeth Moss, Mad Men


Julianna Margulies, The Good Wife


Piper Perabo, Covert Affairs


Katey Sagal, Sons of Anarchy


Kyra Sedgwick, The Closer


There aren't a whole lot of ways to say "are you fucking kidding me?" but the internet has gone through all of them since yesterday morning because Piper Perabo?  First of all, she's TERRIBLE!  Second, her show is, like, the guiltiest of all pleasures and she is by far the least good thing about it.  Her character, her clothes, her hair, her acting, her very existence is the worst thing about a show that is pure, stupid fluff.  And in much the same way that I object to Hugh Laurie's nomination, I also object to Kyra Sedgwick's because I like The Closer a lot and I think Kyra Sedgwick is awesome but the work she does as Brenda is not better than the work that EVERYONE else is doing.  It just isn't. 

Who would I have nominated?  Connie Britton for Friday Night Lights.  If you want to see a New Yorker play a convincing southerner, a Texan no less, then Connie as Tami Taylor is for you.  There is no one on earth that can fit so much subtext into "thank y'all so much" and she brings gravity to every moment, every interaction, every word.  Nina Dobrev for The Vampire Diaries.  Scoff if you must but I've said it before and I'll say it again, the way that she plays a dual, almost triple, role on that show is nothing short of amazing.  And Julianna Marguilies, Elizabeth Moss and Katie Sagal all seem like great choices to me. 

Best Actor — Musical or Comedy
Alec Baldwin, 30 Rock


Steve Carell, The Office


Thomas Jane, Hung


Matthew Morrison, Glee


Jim Parsons, The Big Bang Thoery


Another example of the HFPA's extreme insanity - IF we were to agree that Matthew Morrison was actually a lead in Glee (he gets less screen time than Kurt or Finn), it's the best actor in a COMEDY category which means, presumably, that the actor should be funny.  You know who isn't funny on Glee?  Mr. Schuster!  If you want to tell me that he's getting this for the musical half of the category I'd almost give it to you except that the category is best ACTOR, not best SINGER (and sometime ill-advised rapper) so once again I'm going to have to say an emphatic NO!  I also think that Steve Carell is a stretch in the same way Hugh and Kyra are so ppplllllbbbttttt.  Alec Baldwin and Jim Parsons are genuinely funny men and I guess I'll take their word for it where Thomas Jane is concerned though, I have to admit, they have little credibility and I'm not usually inclined to think Jane is funny so I'm really just looking right past that nomination like it's not there at all. 

Who would I have nominated?  Zachary Levi for Chuck.  I think it's a lot harder to act goofy than people usually give credit for and it's very rare to find someone who can convincingly pull off goofy and charming at the same time.  Chris Colfer for Glee who I think was incorrectly placed in the supporting group based on the size of his role.  Dule Hill for Psych which is not a great show, but is a pretty good show and Hill never fails to make me laugh, often with only his spot-on delivery of "I know that's right."  And of course, Alec and Jim.


Best Actress — Musical or Comedy
Toni Collette, United States of Tara


Edie Falco, Nurse Jackie


Tina Fey, 30 Rock


Laura Linney, The Big C


Lea Michele, Glee


I almost don't have the energy.  If this were the best singer in a musical or comedy, I'd just go ahead and give the damn award to Lea Michele but I don't think her acting is particularly fantastic and that's coming from one of the 6 people in America who actually likes the Rachel character.  Everyone else is kind of a big, fat whatever for me. 

Who would I have nominated?  Courtney Cox for Cougar Town. 


Best Supporting Actor in TV Series, Mini-Series, or Made-for-TV Movie
Scott Caan, Hawaii Five-0

Chris Colfer, Glee


Chris Noth, The Good Wife


David Strathairn, Temple Grandin


Eric Stonestreet, Modern Family


This category is impossible because it combines all the supporting actors into one group and that's ludicrous but whatever.  I think Scott Caan is an interesting choice, though probably not one I would have made in a field this big but like I said yesterday, he's absolutely the best thing about his show and I do enjoy him a lot.  I already said I would have put Colfer in the lead group so he's out.  Chris Noth is fine, but he isn't the best supporting actor on his show, let alone in all of TV.  Same with Eric Stonestreet - he's good but I think there is better on his very show.  I do think David Strathairn is the bomb but I've not seen Temple Grandin so I can't make any call on him here. 

Who would I have nominated?  Alan Cumming for The Good Wife.  He's the best he's ever been as Eli Gold.  Ty Burrell for Modern Family.  His Phil is the heart, soul and funny bone of a show that is packed to the rafters with heart, soul and funny.  Zach Gilford for Friday Night Lights.  I'm not sure how the nominating rules account for the weird FNL DirecTV season but if last year can qualify, he should be in for the arc where Matt Saracen loses his father.  It was, in a word, beautiful.  Walton Goggins for Justified.  I spent the entire season wondering whether Boyd Crowder really had been born again in prison.  Goggins never once made it easy to know for sure where Boyd stood and that was what made the character and his relationship to Raylan so compelling.  John Noble for Fringe.  No one could make Walter's food fetishes and immunity to ick as entertainingly charming as John Noble does. 


Best Supporting Actress in TV Series, Mini-Series, or Made-for-TV Movie
Hope Davis, The Special Relationship


Jane Lynch, Glee


Kelly Macdonald, Boardwalk Empire


Julia Stiles, Dexter


Sofia Vergara, Modern Family


I can get behind Jane Lynch's nomination and Sofia Vergara's.  I have absolutely no opinion of the other three. 

Who would I have nominated?  Archie Penjabi for The Good Wife.  Kalinda is one of the most fantastic women on TV and I can't believe she didn't even get a nod from the HFPA.  Busy Philipps for Cougar Town.  I think you kind of have to see her in action on the show to appreciate just how insanely funny she is.  Candice Accola for The Vampire Diaries.  Caroline has always added a touch of humanity and normalcy to a show about the supernatural and even this year, after becoming a vampire, she's still somehow the best example of girl power and friendship and love and adolescence and so many other human qualities.  Her scenes usually hit me the hardest because she makes them so genuine. 

On a final note, they nominated Jennifer Love Hewitt in the Best Actress in a Mini-Series or Made-For-TV Movie.  She played a suburban prostitute.  Jennifer Love Hewitt.  The jokes make themselves, you guys. 

Fashion, SAG-y Fashion

The SAG Awards certainly aren't the most-watched awards, but they sure are the most self-congratulatory. This year, the offered up some genuinely amusing moments - I particularly enjoyed when Betty White noted that she'd "had" some of the folks in attendance and later George Clooney came up to present the final award and said "in 1987 I did an episode of Golden Girls, and I'd just like to thank Betty White for her discretion." There were also some awkward, uncomfortable moments - Christoph Waltz's acceptance speech that made no sense and Drew Barrymore's thousand-and-one ums were particularly hard to watch.

But what you can always count on when actors get together to pat each other on the back, is something pretty (and sometimes something not-so-pretty) to look at.

Best Strapless Dress: Kyra Sedgwick. She almost always looks gorgeous and despite the fact that you could kind of see her tan lines, this whole look was a big win for her.

Green With Envy: Lea Michelle is awesome and talented and beautiful (plus, I watched the Glee extras over the weekend and she was captured on video at the Up Fronts saying "Celebrity crush moment - I just met Josh Jackson...and that's really all I can say about that." so clearly she and I would get along famously). She's also young and therefore makes the occasional fashion miss-step. She did not miss-step this time. That dress is perfection on her.

Pretty In Purple: It's a tie! Julie Benz knocked my socks off with this pretty plum number.

And Tina Fey worked the shit out of this royal purple, cocktail dress meets extra fancy office attire that she elevated to perfect awards level with great shoes and bag.

Best of the Blues: Jenna Fischer. She looks comfortable and beautiful in this blue dress with beaded bodice, a snazzy up 'do and minimal but very sparkly jewelry.

Best Patterned, Casual-Yet-Dressy, Fun, and Fabulous: There's a real split on the Internet about this one but I completely love Anna Paquin's dress. I think she looks great in it (and I adore her hair - that blond looks so good on her!) and I like the age-appropriateness of it. Just because it's an awards show, doesn't mean a girl can't dress her age and fun. Too bad the picture I found of her showing the whole dress and her shoes (which, for a change, I didn't hate) has her making a face like she wishes she were anywhere else. I swear, most of the time, she was smiling!

Mother of the Bride Award: Vera Farmiga is a 37-year-old woman but she's dressed like the 58-year-old mother of the bride circa 1954.

You're Almost There: Monique. She looked classy and age-appropriate and pretty but on camera you could tell that her boobs were being squished in unnatural ways. I believe she's on the road to greatness though, and I look forward to what she bring to the Oscars.

It's Ok...Better Than At The Golden Globes: Seems like we should be aiming a little higher though, don't you think? I'm really glad that Sandra Bullock is winning everything, even though I haven't even seen The Blind Side yet (I suck). I just wish that she had a stylist who was giving her better advice about dresses because in the past several months they've either been bad or boring. Your rom-com and action movie ass is winning MAJOR awards, lady! It's time to pull out the big guns!

It Turns Out That Even The Hottest Women Can't Just Wear Anything: Because if they could, Sofia Vergara would pull this off a little better than she does. It's not the worst dress in the world but it's far from good. The colors should have been more similar or less similar (a darker shade of the same red or black and white) or something. I mean, she's still Sofia Vergara but, she's just...wearing something that makes my face squinch.

Dressed Like a Fancy Bag: I happen to think Carey Mulligan is about as cute as they come. If I had her face, I'd wear my hair just like that too - short and bangy and simple - because it suits her wonderfully. But her dress was so weird the way it gathered or cinched or something at the knee on one side? It reminded me a lot of those fancy dress handbags that are a little gathered sack? Oh Carey, don't be a bag lady!

She Got It Almost 1/2 Right: Drew Barrymore's whole "shocked, humbled, um, um, um" speeches are obnoxious. This is the second one and if she does it again at the Emmy's I'm going to lead the campaign to revoke the awards on the basis that you shouldn't win acting awards when you can't convincingly act appropriately while accepting them. But I'm not here to talk about her behavior, I'm here to talk about her dress...and hair. The bodice of the dress was gorgeous. On the telecast you could see some of the intricacies of it that get lost a bit in the photos and believe me, it was lovely. I believe I would have dubbed the whole dress a winner if not for that extra skirt in the middle which looks like something someone sewed on at the last minute to hide a rip on the butt. She might have received 2/3 credit for the look if her hair didn't look like Helena Bonham Carter did her hair for her.

She's Awesome, But The Dress...Ugh: Betty White is more than deserving of the Life Achievement honors they bestowed. She is hilarious and sweet and wonderful. Her dress though...I mean, all they had to do was take off the blue things and extend the lace the full length of the arms (rather than the odd bands of it that it has now) and it would have been ok. Not great, but the woman is 88 years old and that's kind of how the little old ladies dress so whatever.

Worst Dressed Man: On Friday, Justin Timberlake performed a cover of Hallelujah on the Hope For Haiti telethon that was seriously awesome and I thought "damn, I think I might have to love him now like everyone else." But then Saturday he showed up to the SAG Awards wearing a black tux with a wrinkled blue shirt and I thought "ok, I can go back to being totally ambivalent about him, it's all good." Thanks for that, JT.

Droopy, Dull and Lifeless: Michelle Monahan. God, was this dress so boring it was ugly. It looks like a dripping, dirty, dishrag. If there was a stylist involved in this decision, someone needs to be fired immediately.

When Bad Hair And Accessories Happen To Good People: Joan Allen. Several years ago she wore a beaded orange gown and a banged bob to the Oscars that I still covet to this day (the hair and the dress...and the body to pull of the dress). The vivid memory I have of that makes this even sadder.

Scarlett O'Hara Would Roll In Her Grave: At least when she wore her drapes, she made them into an actual dress first. Julianna Margulies looks like she just wrapped herself up in them toga style and headed out. Her hair isn't even good and that's a damn shame because her hair is consistently AWESOME on The Good Wife.

I Can't Make Up My Mind About This Dress...: When I first saw this dress I thought "boring...this is like the dress version of that stupid backward tuxedo that Celine Dion wore a million years ago." Then I took another look and decided that I appreciated the simplicity of the cut and the beautiful detailing on the hip and the general all-covered-up-with-one-sexy-exception aspect and thought "I hope Blake Lively is taking notes." But after a couple of days and a few more views of the bordering-on-uncomfortable way it lays on her in the front, I am back to thinking maybe I don't like it that much.

...But I Know I Kind Of Hate Her: And I don't care if the line was written for her, the air quotes and eye roll during that "joke" were obnoxious and bitchy.

Best Of The Night: The year that Michelle Williams was nominated for an Oscar for her role in Brokeback Mountain, she wore that yellow dress that was so gorgeous it might be my favorite Oscar dress ever. Diane Kruger's dress here reminds me a lot of that dress (though it isn't quite as stunning in either color or cut) and that's the second reason she wins best of the night. The first is that she accessorizes better than anyone else at the event - with a date that gorgeous by your side, how can you not look amazing?